No.. I'm not talking about Christmas (although I applaud any tubby guy with a beard who can make a career out of it) .
I am not talking about Easter (who really cares about this one anymore... honestly.)
I am of course talking about HALLOWEEN!
Yes,I am aware that is actually an old sacred holiday that Americans have U.S.AED the fuck out of.
I don't care. I love it.
So as most of you are too old to go trick or treating (they really need to change it so old fucks like me can do it I feel) and since you're not me and won't have the energy to go to various Halloween parties all week. ..what are you to do on dark, eerie October night in?
Watch movies of course!
So if you are at a loss as to what to watch, keep reading.
Cuddle up text to your ghoulfriend (see what I did there?) with plenty of theme appropriate snacks, something to drink (I prefer hobgoblin ale for times like these), light your jack-o-lantern and have at it!
Now this list is not in anyway my top scary movies EVER kind of deal. These are just movies I plan on watching this year.. I invite you to do the same. Let's do this...
10. Nightmare on Elm street
No big shock there. Yeah, it's cheesy and the dialogue makes certain porno films seem Hemingway but it works! No Halloween is complete without a visit from Freddy! I met Englund a few years back. Hell of a nice guy....sorry for the name-dropping. Name-dropping is bull shit. Bruce Dickinson told me that.
9. The Texas Chainsaw Massacre
There is something very unsettling about being chased by a hilbilly wearing a dead skin mask while wielding a chainsaw. F.Y.I loosely based on true story... in the same way Harry Potter is based on a actual book.
8. House On Haunted Hill
I remember seeing this one in the theatres with a cousin and being truly creeped out. That, outside of various MTV "reality" shows doesn't happen very often.
I haven't seen it since so I'm looking forward to revisiting it.
7. Nightmare Before Christmas
If you really need me to explain why this is on here, get out of here and go hit yourself in the head.
This one is also on my Christmas list btw.
6. Dawn of the Dead / DOTD 2004 version
You have to have zombies! I prefer Night Of the Living Dead over Dawn but I just saw that one on Saturday night so I reckon I need to wait a bit for that. The reason I picked both the original and the remake is I couldn't decide which one to go with. This still only counts as one entry though. No funny business now..
5. House Of 1000 Corpses.
Colourful, cartoony and wonderfully cheesy. Plus the man who made its last name is Zombie...and you don't mess around with someone called that.
4. Bram Stoker's Dracula
This list needed some vampires and I can't think of anyone better for the job than Gary Oldman.
No sparkling, daywalking "Sookeeeeeeeeeh" kind of vamps here.
3. The Frighteners
One of my all time favorite movies. In my opinion Peter Jackson's best. Ghosts, Michael J.Fox and lots of cemetery scenes. If you haven't seen it, you're an idiot...but an idiot that is indeed in for a treat.
2. Friday the 13th III
Too easy I here you say. Well.. yeah ..but this is still a must I feel.
The reason I picked the 3rd film is that it marks the first appearance of the hockey mask. A true classic.
And now... the number 1 on my list:
1. Halloween
The genre starting classic. Teenagers drinking and having sex unaware that a guy wearing a mask is coming to kill them all one at a time in very unlikely ways. Sound familiar? Of course it does. Countless of movies have been using this winning concept but this is where it all started.
Awesome soundtrack as well.
Well.. that's what I'm doing provided I can find some ghoul to join me.
Horror films when done right are truly a magic thing. I feel fairly confident that I have put together a cracking list for you guys. Hope you enjoy it as much as I know I will!
See ya next time and have a great Halloween!
/Beard.
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