Football season - the art of yelling at tiny men on a screen

Well it's the that time again isn't it...
It seems to happen just when I really start enjoying the summer.
All of the sudden you can't go into a bar without a ton of people oooing and awing over tiny little men on a tv screen kicking a ball around.
I am course talking about the world cup!
Now, there are quite a few things I don't like about this but I'll stick to stuff that actually might effect others outside of the strange universe that is my mind.

First off:
There is no escaping this is there? You have to live under a fucking rock not to somehow have this somehow effect your day-to-day in someway if you want to venture outside your home.
Like hanging out in bars enjoying a relaxing beer or two and having a quiet talk with a friend?
Tough shit. You won't be doing that for at least another two weeks.

Now at this point you've realized that the bar is not really that fun on this night and decide to head on home.
Don't live within walking distance from the pub? Ah! another tough break. You will have enjoy screaming drunks on the way to/from watching the match in question.
( Yes I know drunk people tend to make alot of noise as it is but they do get a little louder in times like these.)
So you decide the next night to maybe go see a movie. This can't go wrong can it?
Well my dear friend you did not think of the fact that this happens to be a very football obsessed country. People who don't give a rats ass about this kind of stuff otherwise go completely nuts as well.
In other words good luck finding someone who won't be staring at a tv, yelling at the tiny men.

The next night you buy yourself a a six pack and decide to have an evening at home watching some tv. Seems like a safe plan. All you need to do is be sure to be there and you're all set, right?
Wrong.
What the fuck do you think they will be showing instead of your favorite shows?

You guessed it.
So actually I take back what I said about being safe if you don't leave your home.

Let's move on shall we?

Ok this is something I find really, really silly.

At some point during the next few weeks you are bound to hear the following statement at least once:

"We won!"


Hmm... to be fair I think the players did most of the work but don't get me wrong!
Your drinking of beer and yelling at the tv quite possibly was the x factor that made the difference.

I have had this argument fairly often. I am actually quite good at it by now.

I get the whole fan thing. I really do. I myself for example am a huge Iron Maiden fan but I assure you that after I see them live you'll never hear me say:

"We had a great gig tonight!"


Sounds silly right? But people maintain there is a difference so let me address some of the more common points of criticism that comes my way when I make this comparison:
1: The team needs us! Without us they couldn't exist.
What and Bruce Springsteen could somehow keep going on without anyone buying his albums and going to see him play? No, he really couldn't could he?

2: They are two entirely different things!
Yes and no... people buy t shirts and tickets to support say hammarby and people buy tickets and t shirts to support Green Day as well.

3:(more so than not connected to the first argument) We are part of the team as well!
In spirit perhaps yes just in the same way people feel a connection with say.. Kent when they seem them in concert. I get this and respect this. I do however not think this means that Kent gets 50 000 extra members on any given gig night.

4: Fuck you! You're an idiot!
Admittedly I'm not the brightest bulb in the box but i don't think that makes me a full on official card holding idiot... I leave that to... wait for it....

Football hooligans!

This is my favorite part of the whole experience.
The feeling of aggression and danger in larger town squares and in the vicinity of stadiums is frightening in an almost magical way isn't it?

I recall a few years ago going out for a beer with my girlfriend of the moment on a thursday night.
We entered the bar. A bar we had been to many times before. We ended up leaving after like half an hour. The reason?
Well silly me assumed that in spite of there being a hint of some apparently highly offensive color in my outfit, would get to have to a few drinks in peace.
Stupid stupid beard.
Of course the "fans" did the only right thing and were aggressive in that very charming "about 5 drinks too many" kind of way until we felt compelled to leave.
Serves us right of course. Not planning my outfit for the day without checking to see whatever "tiny men kicking a ball on a screen" event that was going on was really stupid.

This is really the thing I hate the most about this shit.

Now since I've used music as a point of comparison so far I will continue to do so.
When there is a match somewhere in town, the police go into overdrive posting officers all over the place.
Some might say they do similar things in the area around a big concert.
Yes they do but generally speaking they don't need police in full riot gear during a U2 concert.


Something one tends to see at least a few times somewhere any given year.




Something one can see any night Iron Maiden play anywhere.








So feel free to yell at the tiny men on the screen and say dumb ass stuff like "we won" if it makes you happy... just don't force this on the rest of us who most likely won't be going out for the next few weeks.

See you sometime around midsummer.

/Beard



P.S
I know I know.. I'll get angry mail for this one... send em on over to goscewyourself@howsyourmother.com